Bippity, boppity, boobies!

From the moment my family saw the movie preview for Oz the Great and Powerful, plans for a movie night were made. The Wizard of Oz is one of my all time favorites. I still like it even after Charley Anne has watched it 1000 times and dressed like Dorothy this past Halloween and always demands I play the part of Wicked Witch when she acts out the movie. Yes, I am fully aware of the door I am leaving open by freely admitting to 'acting' the part of the witch. What can I say - the kid has great intuition.

The movie proved to be fabulous. It was awesome and lived up to our expectations. Granted, our expectations are set pretty low by overexposure to all those stupid Barbie and the _____ movies (fill in the blank with any adjective-noun combination: Wicked Unicorn, Happy Hamster, Deadly Virus).
Initially, my husband and I feared that Charley would be disappointed, or even worse - BORED, when she discovered it was not full of her familiar, favorite characters. My maternal instinct even kicked in (delayed  as usual) sometime during the previews as I considered how insanely horrifying modern cinematography and computer graphics could really make the those flying monkeys. This would obviously lead to my kid having some wicked nightmares (that would ultimately, and most importantly, affect my future sleep cycle). However, the kid never flinched. She was completely mesmerized and sat through the whole movie in complete awe. I was so impressed with her attention span as we chatted about the movie. We even held hands as we discussed characters and plot points. This beat the hell out of the last time we watched a movie together and it ended in sobbing as Charley flipped her shit when one of the Santa Buddies was temporarily paralyzed and the spirit of Christmas was compromised. Who the hell thinks of these kids' films?

As delighted as I was with Charley's behavior, I was floored when, with one small question, a teachable moment presented itself. A night of entertainment and a life lesson with my kid? Pinch me, the teacher-person in me was dreaming. With wondrous innocence Charley asked, "Why did the witch with the red hat became so ugly and mean?" [She is referencing Theodora's transformation from the innocent, kind sister into the classic wicked witch that we know from the original Wizard of Oz film]. A simple question to most people, but you need to first understand some background to know why I suddenly felt, for a small moment, I was starring in my very own Lifetime Original movie.

For several months now we have had the overwhelming task of explaining inner vs. outer beauty to Charley. Last Spring she sat on the table in her gymnastics leotard, smacked her belly and asked me if she was fat -like the girl at school said she was. Shit. Shit. Shit. It's way too soon for this.
I suppressed my gut reaction to teach Charley to just start saying, "Your mom is fat" when she was confronted by rude, little demons. However, I decided to not screw up this moment - mostly because I teach middle school and have witnessed too many little girls with unnecessary body issues. Not to mention, there is no way I can afford the therapy later on if I really blow this. After a long sigh, deep breath and quick prayer - the best I could come up with was a small explanation about the meaning of the word "fat.  I ended up just emphasizing that, above all else, what counts is how beautiful a person's heart is. Hokey and cliche, but she got it. We've since had many talks and reminders about the measure of beauty being in our hearts - with no help from Barbie, Bratz and all those damn princesses!

OK, back to the Lifetime movie...

I stood poised and ready to carefully guide Charley through this very real and timely connection to a really tough topic. While lights shone down from heaven and a piano played somewhere in the background, I squatted down with Charley and explained how Theodora lost her beauty and kindness only when her heart became evil and full of hate. With brilliance I effortlessly transitioned into addressing Glinda's role and how caring and loving she was. The moment was glorious. It was the stuff mother-of-the-year awards are based on. My heart was full and I was already planning my outfit for the Parents magazine photo shoot. I brought our conversation to a close by asking Charley to recall what made Glinda so beautiful. I gently placed my hand on Charley's heart and softly whispered, "So kiddo, what did Glinda have right here [tapping her heart] that made her such a beautiful person?"

With no hesitation, my daughter raised her hands to her chest and replied with her sweet voice,

"Her boobies hung out."

Dammit.

You win again, Disney.

Bippity,  Boppity, Boobies.