round and roud it goes, where it stops nobody knows...

what a difference a year makes.

really though, what a difference a baby makes.

it is incredible to digest that a year ago today i was checking into the hospital completely naive to the role I was stepping into. neither gary nor i could have guessed this is what parenthood is. i can't help but think about that scene in the movie Parenthood where steve martin realizes the truth behind metaphor that 'life is rollercoaster' and he envisions the room around him spinning as though he was buckled down into a whirling roller coaster car...it's absolutely true...this whole parenthood ride is a roller coaster.

during pregnancy i slowly climbed that scary hill completely blind to the track that lay before me. tons of anticipation built inside of me and sometimes if i strained i could kind of see what was ahead --- even so it always scared me to death. then suddenly, with little warning on may6, 2008 i hurdled down a hill, screaming, hands flying wildly above my head and my face making a god awful expression that was inevitably caught in a unsuspecting snapshot that i could buy for 25.99. since that day i have been thrown side to side, up and down, jerked and pulled, sometimes with overwhelming joy and sometimes with indescribable fear. at times i could sit back and enjoy the ride, while other times it was all i could do to not to throw myself from car. all the while, i've been strapped down in a filthy, germy car covered in some other person's puke and urine (admittedly my own urine too), with food crumbs all over the place...not to mention my hands clutching a bar that doesn't let me steer.

i am still in the car waiting for the next turn or loop or 150 foot drop that shoves my stomach into my throat...but i somehow how know in the back of my mind that it is all worth it and, just like riding a roller coaster, i will LOVE the experience when it is all over with..... and who knows i might someday jump back in line to do it all over again (depends on how long that line is...i'm getting old, you know). but if i don't get back in line when i get off this ride, i'll just amble around the amusement park dressed in an air brushed t-shirt, plastic visor, and a fanny pack carrying a coffee in one hand and an oversized bag full of useless crap in the other --trying to find the bathroom.
happy birthday charley anne.