Let us Give Spanx (Repost)

The following post is another little gem I found while sorting through my old Myspace blogs. It was originally posted August 2007 - back when I was just  flirting with Spanx, before I got into a long-term relationship with that thick, skin-toned, fat-hugging, elastic chubby chaser. 

I am pretty sure that aside from people showing complete & utter selfless love to their fellow mankind, nothing warms God's heart and makes him chuckle more than watching me attempt to shove my extra-extra large body into a pair of Spanx after a shower. The NASA-quality Lycra fights like a burmese python when it comes in contact with human flesh forcing me to yank, jump, bend, and squat my way into my undergarment.

They should change that Biblical proverb about a rich man getting into heaven and the camel going through the eye of a needle. Well, the wealthy man's path to heaven may be slightly easier than me ever getting into a pair of those mothers in under 30 minutes. I am pretty sure if that if I have to take a break and rest while I pull on an article of clothing, I need to call Jenny.