Four years ago Gary allowed me to make a pregnant lady decision. I insisted we needed a new car and it needed to be able to ride 7 people because we were adding just one small, tiny person to our family. I guess the enormity of my personal weight gain during pregnancy made me miscalculate exactly how large my newborn would be and exactly how much space she'd require. Assuming I'd be chauffeuring Charley plus a small herd of wayward highwaymen daily, we bought a Chrysler Pacifica. It was spacious and had a family car feel without that godforsaken sliding door that I will spend my life trying to avoid. I really enjoyed the car when I wasn't dealing with air conditioning, tire, wheel, tie-rod, radiator, alternator, or remote-start issues (let's hope the dealership people don't read this). My love for the car mimics the similar feelings I've expressed for my daughter - she is perfect... when she's asleep (that car is incredible...sitting in my driveway). An increased commute has solidified my desire to trade-in the Silver Spaceship.
Shopping for a new vehicle requires a lot of work. No, not researching and looking for deals- the Internet has made that a no brainer. I now realize the hard work apparently comes the night before when you have to clean out your old vehicle in a desperate attempt to slick 'er up and pretend you've kept it in pristine condition all along. 'No...that's not melted chocolate and dog hair permanently hardened into the carpet.' This is especially difficult when you've been using the vehicle as an extension of your home for 60+ minutes a day. By that comparison, I'm not sure I am willing to publicly admit which part of the home we use our vehicles for.
I will say that the deep cleaning and total purging of my car has made me consider a few rules for my next car.
Most people enact the standard no-eating-in-the-car rule, but that alone would not encompass the entire problem- even though I now know how Charley ate all those yummy sweet potato fries so quickly last month.
I'm extending the ban. Based on the recent findings in my car the following will be forbidden in the new car:
1. Phone chargers. I may not be able to offer your car battery a jump, but I can give your cell some juice- Nokia? Nextel? Apple? Pick a cord...any cord.
2. Straws- especially those that come with juice boxes and will stab your hand as you blindly reach beneath the seat.
3. Anything that has the potential to melt: crayons, chocolate, cough drops, suckers, raisins, ice cream, my kid without a nap...
4. Cups with lids
5. Cups without lids
6. Removable straps that are supposed to keep certain 'cups' comfy and secure.
7. Bottles with caps- the caps are everywhere.
8. Bottles without caps- too many spills related to excess tobacco juice. (Our daughter knows to cautiously ask before drinking from any bottles...life lessons from her daddy).
9. Anything that can be crushed: cookies, crackers, goldfish crackers, biscuits, cereal, chips, my hopes & dreams...
10. Discount/club cards for stores I frequent maybe every 6 months and never have with me in the store, but I still get the discount because I punch in my phone number- genius!
11. Hairbows, hairbands and bobby pins- I could open a Claire's from my backseat.
12. Shoes that can not be tied and double knotted to the wearer's feet.
13. CD's both with and without cases- and especially burned CD's wherein the creator assumed it would not be necessary to write a title, date or other info- because accidentally popping in Gary's angry-teenage-boy mixed CD instead of Charley's Kid's Bop is never unsettling to my passengers.
14. Anything that can easily rest above the sun visor without being seen and then unexpectedly attacks my face when I go to check my make-up
15. Important papers that have clearly expired, but because I'm fuzzy on the time period in which they should be kept, my console becomes napkin disposal and an ancient artifacts museum.
16. Clothes hangers: wire, plastic, children's -"Nooo wire hangers!!"
17. Baskets/crates/tote bags that are suppose to be organizing the crap all over the car. Good effort guys.
18. Stickers.Especially those shiny ones of cartoon characters that are obviously made by the Gorilla Glue Co. and obviously belong on a window.
19. School supplies- pencils, pens, highlighters, paper clips, paper, post-its, textbooks, binders, common core standards, curriculum maps, etc. Just in case you wanna align curriculum on the go.
20. Wallet sized and mailed holiday photos (including/especially-those featuring my own daughter).
21. Seashells. I was driving around with a box of seashells?
22. Toys and dolls. The time will come when I am mistakenly arrested because someone saw Polly-Pees-Herself strapped in the back seat and reports me for leaving a baby in the car.
23. Tampons/pads. Regardless of how or where they are stored they always wind up in the passenger side floor board, mangled and fully unwrapped (usually on days I have to cart a guy in my car).
24. Chapstick/lip gloss. I have it for two days, but inevitably open it after it has sat in 90 degree temps and it liquifies all over my lips or lands in gob on the floor mat.
25. Pennies. Sure they add up, but even if I have 300 and take the time to collect, roll and cash them in- I still don't have enough to cover the price at my next car wash vacuum session. At 75 cents a session, I need a small loan to tidy up my upholstery.
The list could go on, but ultimately I should probably just ban people (at least my filthy lil family) from my car. While I'm ranting and raving over the disaster our vehicle, Gary stands by and dreamily lists the great times the car has seen: the first Thomas family vacation to Florida, a couple of trips to TN, Sunday trips to visit family, bringing our daughter home from the hospital...
'Are you going to miss it? It was our first family car with Charley.'
When you have scrubbed chocolate milk on the verge of spoiling from the carpet right below your precious offspring's seat in 90 degree heat, or sat uncomfortably behind the veil of tinted windows in the Target parking lot trying to breastfeed at midday despite the clear view offered to people passing the extra wide front window, or listened to your child scream from Owingsville to Christy Creek, or driven 25 miles with a crazy-terrified cat clinging to your steering wheel while your 100lb dog wants to climb to the front seat to lie in your lap, or sat in Lexington traffic 9 months pregnant when the AC goes out and the power to the windows stalls during abnormally hot temps for April...you somehow block out the sweet car memories.
'Oh, this car can only transport one person? Where do I sign?'
